A New Me

It’s surprising that something as small as getting bangs changed the way I look and feel so drastically. I can finally understand the scene in a movie where a girl just takes a pair of scissors and chops off all her hair. This idea of a whole new beginning for yourself is just amazing. I know how dramatic this might sound, but let me explain.

Four years ago, I decided to start a process of recovery and for four years I failed. At least up until now.

In the past few months I’ve gone out of my way to become the version of myself that I’ve always wanted to be. Yes, I know how cliché this sounds but I knew things had to change within my life to ensure my happiness. I used to be fixated on trying my best to keep the people around me happy even if that meant my undoing. But I had enough. No matter how hard I tried or the amount of time and effort I would put into someone, it wouldn’t be enough. I wasn’t enough.

That’s when I realized, nothing I did or said would be good enough for anyone, so why even try. Which is why I stopped trying. I stopped trying to make everyone around me happy and instead put that time and effort into myself. It obviously didn’t happen overnight it’s a process, a process I am still figuring out.

The first thing I did was cut my hair. I chopped it off got myself bangs (as seen in the picture) and started looking at myself as a completely different person. The bangs made me feel confident and beautiful. It sounds ridiculous but it’s true. After looking at myself in a different light and with a different look, it encouraged me to become a new me.

For the first time in a long time I could get out of my room and go out. I started to hang out with my friends and become a lot more outgoing in comparison to where I started. I began to enjoy life again, and all I had to do was change the way I looked at myself and start caring for myself.

There are still days that make me look at myself as selfish but then I remember there’s no way for me to help others if I’m not okay to begin with. I know I stopped helping the people around me but I truly did need to take a break from being helpful to take care of me and build myself up.

This process has taught me who is truly on my side. I went out of my way for so many people in my life. I thought they would do the same for me, but as soon as I changed and started taking care of me, they cut me off. When I wasn’t an asset to them they threw me out like trash. That truly did hurt but I am so happy that happened because it showed me who's really routing for me.  

I don’t regret the changes I’ve made. In all honesty, I’m proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished and what I’m becoming. Yes, I know I have a whole lot of work to put into myself but I think I'm on the right track and I can’t wait to see the person I become in the next few years.