Patience

When dealing with an individual who suffers from a mental illness, patience is key. We’ve all heard this countless times, but what we never talk about is the patience one needs to have with whomever is helping them. What I mean by this is that, when helping someone with a mental illness you never know what to do or where to start and being someone with a mental illness you don’t know how to express your feelings. With that being said, there needs to be a lot of patience from both parties for the process to go smoothly.

Communication seems like the smartest option, unfortunately it’s also the hardest. I know this is something that I myself am not very good at. What I’ve found is that the more I try to work on it the better I get. Something I did to get more information is ask questions. Whoever is venting to me doesn’t always realize that they’re not telling me the whole story because they believe that they are. I ask questions to get information to ensure I can give them the best help possible, I have to make sure to not be pushy. There is a fine line between helping and nagging. You have to know the person enough to understand when they’re being pushed too far.

I’ve been on both ends of the situation and I can honestly say I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to help someone. I truly believed that because I’ve gone through my own mental breakdown, it would be easier to assist someone else. However, I completely forgot that mental health is so versatile and what works for me doesn’t necessarily work for someone else. Helping someone in their low moments is hard and it takes a long time to find their appropriate path to recovering.

It takes a lot of patience to help someone through that process, Recovery takes a lot of time and effort and whoever is helping you can’t read your mind – they’re learning with you. So, when they say or do something “wrong”, the worst thing you can do is get mad unless of course you’ve already communicated your needs.

You’re never going to be able to get all the information or give it when you’re not okay. On either side of the situation you will become frustrated, that’s when you have to take a minute just stop talking and breathe. Taking a few deep breaths allows you to continue the conversation calmly. If anything both parties should take a break from the conversation and make a list of what they’re feeling. I myself have done this to make sure I don’t forget to anything and to create analogies to express the feelings better (for example I’ll explain my numbness as feeling as if I am a vessel on auto pilot). The purpose of the list is to take a break from the conversation and calm down your frustration. It also make sure you’re communicating everything that needs to be said in a way that a third party would be able to understand.

I know that taking a break from a conversation seems serious and bad. But it can be a good thing when it’s needed. There is nothing wrong with understanding your feelings and knowing when to stop a discussion for the sake of your relationship.