Heaviness
It's the feeling that the world is rested on your shoulders and one wrong move would crush you. It's a heaviness and I can't get over it. Some days, it feels like boulders are tied to my ankles and I can't move. Before feeling heavy, I never realized how much energy it takes to get out of bed, or how much energy it takes to brush my teeth and shower. Asking for help will always get you the following answer: “If you just keep fighting, maybe you'll start to feel better? You just have to get started. I Promise it gets better.” If I had a penny every time someone told me “it gets better”, I'd be rich. The truth is, it doesn't always get better and you can't always push yourself, and it's just unrealistic to think you can. But here's what you CAN do.
As weird as it sounds, I love to clean to the point that it makes me feel like I've accomplished something on heavy days; cleaning gets me out of the bed. What you ought to do is find your version of cleaning. You need to find something that is going to make you feel like you’ve accomplished something that day, even if it’s getting up from bed and then getting back in it. I realize how small that seems but it’s huge. You’re going to have to recognize how big of an accomplishment getting out of bed truly is, especially when you’re feeling that way.
You're probably starting to wonder how to find your version of cleaning. Here's what you should ask yourself:
- What makes me happy?
- What makes me calm?
- What's something I can do with little energy?
- What's worth getting out of bed?
I realize these are simple questions, but they're important to ask yourself. Most likely, you'll have to try a few ideas before finding your version of cleaning. Don't give up. It becomes frustrating and you will have those days where you just can’t, and I’m here to tell you that, that’s okay. You’re allowed to take a mental health day it IS valid reason, not an excuse.
When you truly feel like you can’t take those steps to fight it don’t push too hard, you’ll drain yourself so fast. However, you cannot go days and days allowing your mental illness to consume you. Eventually you are going to have to try and get out of bed, and get right back in it if that’s all your body allows you to do, but that’s a step. The next day you can try to get out of bed and brush your teeth and then slowly make your way up until you coop up the energy to do more.